A Dog's Life It Ain't Always Easy!
by X-Keva-X
Summary: "EEWWW!" She cried out; knowing that this day would forever be burned into her retinas and at some point in her immediate future she would be telling a therapist about this day. A bunch of unrelated humorous one shots. Rated for language.
1. My Sister My Mother

New title and reposted to start from scratch and with a new chapter. Hope you enjoy. Much love for you all. NUM

XX

"Pleeeeease?" Kagome begged as she stuck her bottom lip out and batted her eyes at the large being in front of her.

"No."

"Aww... Come on, just one time." She stepped a little closer to him and smiled hugely. "I promise I will never ask you to do it again." She half stated, half sang at him.

Sesshoumaru scoffed at her statement. Always she said she would never ask again and every time they crossed paths she did what she promised she wouldn't do. He could cut his heart out with his own claws for ever doing it the first time. "Do not ask me again." He said with a curl of his lip in a threatening manner. She was not fazed in the least.

"Just this one time, that's all I ask." She stated with a vigorous nod of her head.

Inuyasha curled his lip in disgust at his friend and ass hole of an elder brother. He used to love it when Sesshoumaru would make an appearance and engage him in battle. It gave him his much needed release of his frustrations, however now when his brother showed up it was one big annoyance. For hours Kagome and Sesshoumaru would argue, and it sickened him to no end; not so much because they were bickering, if you could call it that, but because his haughty bastard of a brother indulged his companion in such frivolousness.

"Would you two just shut the fuck up?!" Inuyasha growled out and became even more irritated when both Sesshoumaru and Kagome looked at him like he was some strange creature that just popped out of the ground demanding that they hand over their most prized possessions.

He watched as Kagome went back to her begging and Sesshoumaru just continued to stare at the girl like he wanted her head to explode. Inuyasha growled loudly and took out the nearest tree to his fist.

"Now Inuyasha, don't get all worked up." Miroku stated as he sat down and leaned against a tree. "Just let them be."

"Shut up monk." Inuyasha hissed as he plopped his self down onto the ground with a growl at his now tender backside for throwing his self down so hard.

Sango looked over at her miko friend and the demon lord then rolled her eyes as she turned to look over at Inuyasha. "I just wish they would hurry up and realize that they want each other." She stated with a wave of her hand towards the two.

Again Inuyasha curled his lip. It didn't bother him that Kagome no longer loved him like a boyfriend as she called it. They came to terms with how they felt about each other long ago, but what did bother him was that her infatuation had moved onto his stupid egocentric brother. He would rather her to be drooling over that idiot wolf than Sesshoumaru.

"Do you think he's kissed her yet?" Shippou asked from Miroku's shoulder.

Both Miroku and Sango had to grin at the kit's innocence and the perfect fish out of water face Inuyasha was making.

"He wouldn't... not with... with her!" Inuyasha bit out with a point of his finger at Kagome.

"Come on Inuyasha. In all this time you don't think they have?" Sango asked with a smirk, knowing how her hanyou friend felt about Sesshoumaru and Kagome doing anything together.

"Please... please... please..." Kagome sing songed.

"Girl I will not tell you again." The deep rumbling voice of Sesshoumaru rolled over the group sitting on the ground.

Inuyasha looked over at them and again growled. The thought of Sesshoumaru and Kagome engaging in any physical anything made his stomach do some unnatural things, like roll over and tie in a knot. It wasn't because of what they were, but more to do with who they were; and if Sesshoumaru and Kagome so much as caressed each other gently... No he didn't even want to think it, it was too horrible and he just might toss up his ramen right here on the spot.

"Sesshoumaru-sama loves Kagome-chan" A small voice came from behind the tree Miroku was leaning against. Rin suddenly leapt out and poked Shippou in the side. "Your it!" She giggled and took off running.

Shippou shot off Miroku's shoulder and took off after the little girl.

"You two stay close!" Sango yelled.

"We will." The children yelled back in unison.

"Well there you have it Inuyasha. Straight from the mouth of Sesshoumaru's ward." Miroku stated with a wave of his hand towards the two in question.

Sango looked at Inuyasha and couldn't hold in the giggle at the face he was making. He looked as if he just stepped in a foul substance and then took a big whiff of it to make sure that what he stepped in was the source of the stink. Then with what Miroku said she fell over laughing.

"Ya know Inuyasha, if Sesshoumaru and Kagome end up together that means..." Miroku looked mischievously at the inu. "You kissed your sister."

Inuyasha didn't know if he should hurl or kill the hÅshi. That was the one thought he was trying to keep out of his head ever since this whole **_thing'_** with Sesshoumaru and Kagome started. Yea he had kissed Kagome and it was at that moment that he and Kagome decided that they would never be nothing more than just friends. The kiss, although passionate, did nothing for either of them and were the truth to be told they were both disgusted by the whole thing afterwards. However, that didn't mean she had to move her infatuation on to the bastard of the west, in effect creating the possibility of them becoming siblings.

Sango tried to stop herself, she really did, but she just had to say it. "I didn't know you felt that way about your sister." She stated then began laughing all the harder.

Inuyasha rose to his feet and growled threateningly at the taijiya, who just continued to laugh. Instead of responding to her comment he stomped over to his baka of a brother and more so of a best friend. "I will not allow you to mate her!" He bellowed with a clawed finger pointed in Sesshoumaru's face.

Sesshoumaru just stared blankly at the hanyou and Kagome's jaw hit the ground. "Little brother, I will do as I please." He stated then turned back to the girl, dismissing the hanyou. Mate the girl indeed.' He thought with an inward snort. He would never, although he did enjoy teasing and baiting her into petty arguments; why he didn't know and since he didn't have to justify his actions to anyone but his self he would do as he pleased.

"Oh no you don't!" Inuyasha growled. "If you mate her then she will become my sister and I do not..."

"Inuyasha!" Sango sang out. "You're heading into some dangerous ground if you finish that sentence!"

"Want her for a sister!" It was too late, he said it and now he had to pay for it.

Kagome pulled her mouth closed with a click of her teeth and stared hard at the hanyou. "I-Nu-Ya-Sha" She said each syllable of his name in a deadly slow manner, causing said hanyou to begin back peddling.

"No Kagome that's not what I meant!" He stated as he held his hands out in front of him waving them back and forth in order to prevent the oncoming sit.

Kagome crossed her arms over her chest. "Then do tell Inuyasha what DID you mean?"

"Well... I uh... I meant that uh..."

"That'll save ya Inuyasha." Miroku tossed over.

Inuyasha snapped his head over and stared hard at the monk then was pulled back by Kagome.

"I'm waiting Inuyasha."

Sesshoumaru had a small smirk playing on his lips. He knew what was coming and enjoyed it immensely when the girl would sit the hanyou to hell.

"It's..." There was no hope for it; he was just going to have to say it out loud, no matter how bad it made his stomach turn. "It's just that if he mates you, you will be my sister and that means I kissed my sister." He paled terribly as the last words left his lips.

Kagome didn't fare much better. Her mouth fell open and her skin began to slowly turn white. Quickly she pulled her senses back together. "Osuwari Inuyasha!" She stamped her foot to the ground. "That is soooo gross!" She stated while wrinkling her nose in disgust.

Before she could say anything more Sesshoumaru just had to throw his two cents in. "Inuyasha perhaps it will please you to know that this girl is not the only being associated to you that I have indulged in pleasure with."

Inuyasha pulled his head out of his hole and stared in paled shock at his brother. "What?"

Sesshoumaru couldn't stop the smirk from gracing his lips. Sure what he was about to say was a complete lie, but it was going to be a lie that would give him great pleasure, especially when it came to the look on the hanyou's face. "I indulged your mother in the pleasure of the body, and it is a good possibility that I am your sire." His smirk grew into an evil grin as he continued. "Therefore, were I to mate this miko she wouldn't be your sister, but your mother."

Kagome stared wide eyed at the demon lord with mouth agape. "What?" She whispered in shock.

Sesshoumaru cut his eyes over to the girl, then back down at the hanyou, who kept opening and closing his mouth trying to spit out something, anything in response to Sesshoumaru's statement.

"Gawd Sesshoumaru that is... Eww!" Kagome yelled as she slapped her hands over her mouth like she was going to toss up her lunch.

Sesshoumaru turned his back to the hanyou then winked slyly at Kagome. "Come Kagome I desire to mate you." He then began to walk away.

Kagome grinned at his retreating form, realizing that he was just taking a jab at Inuyasha and grinned even bigger when she realized that he had said her name. She just loved the sound of her name rolling off his lips and every time she saw him, she just had to hear him say it. She turned to Inuyasha and stated. "Now be a good boy for mommy and I will be back soon." She patted his head then took off running after Sesshoumaru.

Sango and Miroku couldn't hold it in any longer, especially when a pale sickly looking Inuyasha pulled his self out of his hole and solemnly sat down next to them.

As Miroku looked at the hanyou he just had to say it. "It looks like we're going to be one big happy family! Perhaps you will have a new sister or brother soon." He then began laughing so hard that tears rolled down his cheeks, when the hanyou's gold eyes rolled back into his head as he passed out cold.


	2. Obsessive Possessive

"What is that?"

Kagome looked at the item held up in her hand and smirked. "Revenge. Torture." She shrugged her shoulder and smirked evilly. "Whatever you deem necessary to call it."

"How will that…" Sesshoumaru plucked the item from her fingers. "Bring the hanyou down?"

Kagome snorted. "Lets just call it instinct, territorial rights; ya know the whole inu thing as it goes." She waved her hand in the air. "I'm only doing this for a good laugh and nothing else." She stepped up to him and plucked the item from his hand and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Will you do it?" She asked as she placed a kiss upon his neck just above his collar bone.

Sesshoumaru ran his claws through her hair. "You will pay the price."

Kagome didn't know if that was a request, an order, or a demand but she would gladly give him whatever it was he wanted. Hell she would do whatever he wanted even if he didn't help her. "I can't wait." She whispered as she gave him a quick peck on the cheek before stepping away from him.

xx

"Why you little brat!" Inuyasha yelled as he attempted to snatch up the fox kit before he could get away.

"Inuyasha." Miroku warned as he placed his staff in front of the angry hanyou, blocking him from obtaining his goal. "You do know that if Lady Kagome returns and finds a single scratch on Shippou; you will be sat so hard you'll be picking dirt out of your teeth for the next five years."

"Keh" Inuyasha huffed as he pushed the staff away from in front of him.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome screamed as she entered the clearing where their camp was situated.

The hanyou plastered his ears to his head at his friend's high pitched shriek. "Oi wench!" He hissed with a pointed finger in her direction. "Shut your loud mouth!"

Kagome narrowed her azure eyes at the hanyou. "Do I need to say it?" She question in a low deadly voice. "Or are you going to quit behaving like a baka?"

He curled his lip in response and crossed his arms over his chest. "Keh fine." He growled then leapt up into the nearest tree.

A smirk played on Kagome's lips as she walked over to the tree he was sitting in. "Inuyasha come down here. I have something for you." She sing songed up at him.

Inuyasha looked down at her wearily. "You will sit me if I do."

Kagome snorted. "I can do that from here. Now come down here." She held a bag up and shook it lightly. "Do you want this or not? Or maybe I'll just give it to Shippou. He'll appreciate it and guard it with his life like the brave little fox he is." She cocked her head to the side. "Yea I think I will do that. I need someone who is responsible, brave, and strong to protect this item with their life." She scrunched her nose up at him. "I don't think you're man enough for the job." She turned and began walking away. "There is always Koga or even your brother I could turn to, to guard this. Yea, Sesshoumaru will do nicely."

Before she could take another step, she had a figure clad in red blocking her path. "You will give it to me to protect." He didn't know what IT was, but if it was that important to her only he was powerful enough to protect it.

"I don't know Inuyasha." She started wearily. "Are you sure you can handle the responsibility? I mean it's very important that no one, and I mean under no circumstances should anyone get their hands on this." She opened the bag and pulled out the item in question; holding it up in front of his face.

Inuyasha eyeballed the item in her hand critically. "What is it?"

"Oh…" She started dramatically. "This is a very very important item. This…" She waved it back and forth in front of his face and smirked inwardly as his eyes locked onto the object, following its path back and forth in front of his face. "Is something your brother desires greatly; even above Tessaiga. If he gets a hold of this nothing good can come of it." She stated with a nod of her head. "Yet I just don't think you're mature enough to take on the responsibility of guarding this from your brother."

Inuyasha reached out and grabbed the object from her hand and held it close to him protectively. "I will keep that bastard from ever getting his hands on it." He growled in irritation at her thinking him not to be strong or mature enough to keep the strange object safe.

Kagome cocked an eyebrow at him. "Alright then, I will give you a try; but if anyone other than you… me included touches that then I will know I made a mistake in letting you guard this." She reached out to touch it and smirked when he turned away from her to keep her from touching it.

She turned, walked over to Miroku and whispered in his ear. "See if you can get that away from him."

Miroku furrowed his eyebrows but agreed to her request. Making his way over to the hunched over hanyou, he tapped him on the shoulder. "What do you have there Inuyasha?" Miroku asked trying to peek around him to get a good look at it.

It didn't click in Inuyasha's brain that Miroku saw Kagome hand him the precious object; all he knew was that he was suppose to protect it with his life. "Nothin." He growled lowly in a threatening manner.

"I just want to see it Inuyasha and see what it is." Miroku pressed.

Inuyasha didn't respond; just continued to growl low in his throat.

He placed his hand on the hanyou's shoulder in an attempt to pull him up and was shocked still at Inuyasha's response.

Inuyasha spun on the monk, teeth bared, ears back threateningly, and growling loudly. His eyes held a deadly glint to them, causing Miroku to take a step back. "Inuyasha?" Miroku questioned wearily.

The hanyou continued to growl but not as loudly, yet still kept a watchful eye on the hoshi. He gave the monk one more warning growl then leapt up into the highest tree in the area to prevent anyone else from attempting to get the item from him. He liked the thing; it smelled good, fit perfectly in his hand, and apparently many wanted to get their hands on it. This thing was his and he would never give it up for any reason.

Kagome pulled her bottom lip between her teeth to keep from laughing at Inuyasha's display.

Miroku stared wide eyed at Kagome. "What did you give to him?" He asked with a weary yet curious glance up at the hanyou in the tree.

"Oh you will soon find out." Kagome said with a nod and an unnerving evil smirk on her lips. "Just wait until tomorrow. However, between now and then we all need to threaten to take away his precious item so that when it happens, it…" She trailed off.

Shippou jumped up on her shoulder. "When what happens?!" He question with barely contained excitement. He could tell that Kagome was up to something that would make the hanyou look like the jerk he was and he couldn't wait to see what she was up to.

Kagome snorted. "Let's just say we'll all get a good laugh out of it."

xx

Sango walked into the camp only to find three of her companions laughing and Inuyasha growling threateningly at the whole lot of them. "What's going on?" She questioned and only managed to get Shippou's attention.

The kit stumbled over to the slayer, laughing and wiping the tears from his eyes. "Oh Sango, you're just in time." He said between laughs. "Kagome and… Inuyasha and… and… the thing…." He fell over laughing. "Won't let anyone…." He attempted pull himself back up to his feet. "Tou…. Touch it!"

Sango stared down at the kit as he once again fell over laughing. She turned to the other two on the ground laughing hysterically then looked over to the hunched over, posturing threateningly, hanyou. "What is going on?" She questioned again but was ignored.

Making her way over to the hanyou she looked down at him and easily noted that he had something held protectively in his hand. "What is that Inuyasha?" She asked as she reached out to grab it from him.

Inuyasha snapped his teeth at her in warning and Sango jerked her hand back. She turned to look at the hoshi and her best friend, eyebrows raised in question.

"Do… do it… HAHAHA… do it again!" Kagome laughed as she pointed at Inuyasha.

Sango huffed as she crossed her arms over her chest. "WHAT IS GOING ON?!" She bit out; her patience hanging by a thread.

Kagome being the only one who could mostly contain herself enough to speak, rose to her feet, made her way over to the confused woman and whispered in her ear.

Sango's eyes went wide and when the miko was done speaking to her; she turned and faced the hanyou with a large grin on her face. Kneeling down in front of the hanyou she smirked. "What have you got there?" She questioned as if she were speaking to a young child. "Can I see it?" She began chuckling when he pulled the item closer to his body. "Aww… you're not going to share with me?" She asked with disappointment in her voice as she reached out her hand in an attempt to take it away from him.

She quickly found out why everyone was laughing so hard; Inuyasha began barking, actually barking at her like a common, everyday, ordinary dog. This was too good a chance to get back at the hanyou for all his crap over the years to pass up. With a quickness that only years of demon slaying and training could produce she shot her hand out grabbed the item in his hand and quickly, before he could react, flung it into the forest.

The end result was the entire group; Inuyasha excluded, fell over laughing so hard they all had tears falling down their cheeks. The sight of Inuyasha chasing after the thing on all four barking and growling was more than any of them could take. It was something that was going to be burned into their minds for the rest of their lives.

xx

The next morning Sesshoumaru silently entered the clearing to be met with the three humans and one kit sitting around the morning fire chuckling and occasionally breaking out with a side splitting laugh. He could easily scent out the hanyou but couldn't see him anywhere. "Where is the hanyou filth? He has something that belongs to this Sesshoumaru and I will be retrieving it now."

When the last word left his lips a loud thunk sounded at his feet and the hanyou's companions began laughing with force. Looking down he noted that Tessaiga was now lying at his feet to easily be plucked up by any who deemed it necessary to abscond with the sword. Following the sword's flight path he looked up into the tree and found the hanyou with teeth bared, ears perked, fist pulled close to his chest, and growling so ferally he was certain that Inuyasha's beast was coming to the surface. Yet upon closer inspection he noted that his eyes weren't the blood red of an out of control beast, but the normal gold of a hanyou in complete control although sounding more like a mongrel than anything else.

"Hanyou." He sated like it was an order; which it was telling the hanyou to come out of the tree he was sitting in and to face him. All he got in return was a loud growl and the narrowing of his gold eyes. Sesshoumaru narrowed his own eyes and walked elegantly over to the base of the tree and efficiently sent the tree crashing to the ground with the hanyou still in it.

This action caused the group to laugh hysterically again as the hanyou leapt from the downed tree with the item between his teeth, growling, and posturing on all fours. Sesshoumaru smirked slightly, being he too found the actions of the hanyou to be rather amusing. "You will relinquish what belongs to this Sesshoumaru." He stated menacingly.

Inuyasha dropped his ears, gave a muffled growl, and moved back away from the threat to his precious item. It wasn't so much that he really wanted the item or the fact that it smelled good and had a nice taste to it. No it wasn't those things; it was the fact that he had it, everybody else wanted it, and he was the only one who had the precious thing.

At first he only took the thing because Kagome was so adamant that his ass hole of a brother and everyone else around him wanted it for whatever reasons and she needed him to protect it; but after a night of everyone trying to take the thing from him it became his own goal to keep the thing as his own and to never let anyone have it and here-so-far he had been doing a wonderful job of protecting it. Now his brother was here and wanted what clearly belong to this Inuyasha and there was no way he was going to give it up.

Sesshoumaru felt something attach itself to his arm and looking down he noted that it was the miko.

"Oh Kami Sesshoumaru." She laughed. "I don't know how much more of this I can take. I think I might die of laughter if we don't bring this to an end."

Sesshoumaru smirked down at her. "Very well."

"Just don't hurt him too badly." Kagome stated as she released his arm.

He ignored her plea as he walked towards the ever retreating hanyou. Using his speed and agility, the hanyou didn't see him coming and easily snatched the item away. The end result had his companions falling on the ground laughing so hard they could scarcely breathe.

Instead of the typical Inuyasha spouting his vulgar obscenities and flinging around his sword like a mad man; they ended up with the hanyou running around on all fours, barking, growling, and trying to get back his precious item.

Sesshoumaru wondered for the briefest of moments why the hanyou didn't just stand up and take the thing from his hand; but the current situation with the hanyou jumping from all fours to get the thing from his hand was much more entertaining. "Hanyou you are a disgrace." Sesshoumaru stated with disgust.

Inuyasha just growled threateningly in response.

"Do you desire to have this back?" He questioned with a smirk and only got a growling bark in return. "Very well…" He started easily deciphering what the hanyou was saying with all his animalistic sounds. "I will return this to you for something you have. Do we have an accord?"

The hanyou gave a strange bark in response and was pleased when the thing came flying at him and he easily caught it between his teeth.

Just as Sesshoumaru turned to face his companions another one of Inuyasha's growls sounded in his ears and he couldn't believe what he was hearing. If he didn't already think his sibling to be a simpleton he would be sure of it now.

"What did he say?" Kagome asked with a chuckle.

Sesshoumaru kept his eyes locked with his sibling's and repeated what the hanyou had said. "He insists that I have to watch him eat it."

Kagome and gang broke out laughing. "Are you serious?" Kagome gasped out.

Sesshoumaru gave a curt nod as he watched his sibling slowly eat the thing. Sometimes he would lick it, other times he would bite off a small chunk; but he was taking his damn time about the whole thing.

"Why does he want you to watch him?" She just had to know because she knew it had to be funny.

"So that I will know that it belongs to him and always will." Sesshoumaru responded.

"Oh God!" Kagome gasped out between laughs. "Like you would want it anyway!"

Once Inuyasha finally got the last bite down, he eyeballed his brother for a few moments before slowly rising to his feet. He felt like a haze that held his mind in its hold had just lifted as he looked around at all the laughing beings around him. "What the fuck is going on?!" He questioned accusingly. "And what is HE doing here?!" He bit out with a pointed finger towards his brother.

"I am here to collect that which is now rightfully mine." Sesshoumaru stated coolly.

Inuyasha looked at the thing attached to his arm and narrowed his eyes. "Kagome! Get the fuck away from him!" He yelled as he reached for his sword, only to find it missing.

"Here Inuyasha." Miroku said as he tossed the hanyou his precious sword.

Once in his hand the sword transformed to its bigger more threatening form. "I will kill you! You bastard!" Inuyasha yelled.

"Hold on Inuyasha." Kagome stated as she moved to stand in front of Sesshoumaru. "Don't make me say it." Which halted the hanyou mid swing.

"What?! You are protecting him?!" Inuyasha bellowed.

Kagome rolled her eyes. "He hardly needs me to protect him." She stated exasperatedly then moved towards her bag. Opening it up, she pulled out a box and shook it.

"What is that?" He questioned as he eyeballed the box. The picture on the side of the box held a common dog with a strange yet familiar thing in its mouth.

"This…" Kagome stated as she reached into the box and pulled out one of the items within. "Is called a dog biscuit." She watched as his eyes locked onto it intently. "You have so kindly traded me to your brother for one of these."

"I did?" Inuyasha whispered as that strange haze that only a short time ago lifted from his mind, resettled itself making everything seem rather surreal.

Sesshoumaru walked over to Kagome and snatched the biscuit from her hand. "Half-breed you are an insult to the name you carry." He stated then flung the biscuit into the woods.

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" Kagome gasped between laughs as Inuyasha instantly fell to all fours and chased off after the thing; then she literally fell on her ass laughing along with her group of friends as Inuyasha's voice trailed behind him.

"Biscuit? Biscuit? Biscuit! My biscuit! MineMineMine!"

It was too much for even the demon lord to handle as a small chuckle passed his lips. He looked down when he felt something latch onto his pant leg.

"Kami Sesshoumaru!" Kagome gasped. "Even though I was…" She laughed again. "I was traded for nothing more than a dog biscuit…" She climbed up the front of him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "It was well worth the laugh."

Sesshoumaru wrapped his arms around the miko, pulling her close. "Hai." He agreed; then leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her deeply.

Kagome melted into the kiss, locking her fingers into his silky hair; when suddenly the sound of bushes rustling from behind her and her companions renewed laughter drew her attention away from her demon lord, and caused her own laughter to make itself known once again.

All eyes watched in watery laughter as Inuyasha came trouncing out of the bushes on all fours, his head held high in victory, with his precious biscuit between his teeth. He then found a small shallow in the dirt, dropped his biscuit in the center, stood over it circling it about three times then laid down on top of it. He followed all that up with a glare and small growl of warning to each one of the beings sitting around him, before he laid his head down upon his arms and promptly fell asleep.

"Oh Kami!" Kagome gasped out laughing hysterically.

Sesshoumaru wrapped his arms around her tightly to keep her from falling into a laughing heap at his feet. Had he known that it would be this easy to bring the hanyou under control he would have done it a long time ago. "Miko, you will tell this Sesshoumaru what else you have in your time that will bring the hanyou under such control."

Kagome turned to face the love of her life. "What don't I have?" She laughed out. "The next time you let me go home I will come back with a thing called a kong." She gave several gasping laughs before continuing. "That will be worth a million laughs. But first you and I are going to have some fun of our own. As soon…" She watched as Inuyasha's back leg twitched several times then settle, causing her to begin her laughter anew. She locked her hands into his haori. "As soon as I stop laughing!" She laughed out and continued to do so as her demon placed hot kisses upon her neck to keep himself from laughing at his idiot brother's antics.


	3. Mine Part I

Alright all here is the fourth installment of my _'Make Inu look like the jackass he is' _series. Hope you like as it was really hard to write this while laughing my ass off. And no worries I am working on Mine Part II but it is slow in coming so eventually you will get the second part to that. Thanks for reading. Much love for you all. NUM

XX

Inuyasha sat in the tree looking down at his companions as he has done since he first met Kagome. How many years had he been doing this 3… 4 maybe? Either way something was changing; not with the group, but with him. He could feel it; whatever it was, coming on and has felt it building for weeks now. He was becoming more antsy and edgy since he first felt it; and something inside him was trying to tell him what to do to make it go away but it was too unclear to understand. Until…

He watched as his odd little group went through their routines; cleaning up camp, making breakfast, the hoshi getting slapped for his wandering hand, Sango cursing said hoshi, the fox kit and neko running around getting under everyone's feet and Kagome smiling hugely at the antics of all around her.

As his golden depths landed on the miko from the future he felt that strange feeling flare up wildly within him. The urge told him he needed to mark her as his; but the strange thing was that it wasn't telling him to mark her as his mate but as his possession. Yet how was he supposed to mark her as his without mating her? Not only did he feel the need to mark her specifically, but his forest, his village, and the rest of his companions.

He jumped down from his tree and move to stand in front of his miko companion. "Kagome"

"What Inuyasha?" She smiled at him as she stuffed her blanket into her backpack.

"Um…" He furrowed his brow slightly as his hands twitched at his sides before they began to move; almost unwillingly.

Kagome watched him; when his actions suddenly made her eyes grow tremendously wide. "Inuyasha what are you doing!" She cried out as she backed away from him.

His brows drew together even more. "You are mine." He responded in whispered confusion.

"What?" Kagome gasped. "I'm not having sex with you. We had a talk about this remember?"

Inuyasha lightly shook his head. "I don't want to have sex with you." He stated pointedly. "I just want to mark you as mine; you and everyone else."

"Ouswari!" Kagome screeched when he began to do what she suspected him doing. "Inuyasha I don't know what you're doing but whatever it is I don't want to see or know about it!" She screamed as she hurriedly and finished packing.

Miroku and Sango both glanced over at the typical scene of Inuyasha eating dirt and Kagome huffing about then went back to readying themselves for the day; never knowing what kind of danger they were in and at the hands of their fearless leader.

xx

Kagome ran as fast and as hard as she could away from her camp trying desperately to keep from gagging at the horrible events of the last ten minutes and feeling terribly sorry for her traumatized friends she left behind. Truly she hoped that one day they would recover from what happened, but highly doubted they ever would. She didn't know what got into her hanyou companion but whatever it was she didn't want the same fate that befell her friends to befall her.

She needed help and knew only one other being that could help her; well not only help but explain to her what the hell was going on with Inuyasha. Using her miko powers she sent her aura out, searching for the taiyoukai of the west knowing he was her only hope to keep from being Inuyasha's next victim of disgustingness.

To her thrill she felt Sesshoumaru's jaki not too far away from her current location and made the turn in his direction. Her lungs were close to giving out but she pressed on until she broke through the trees into Sesshoumaru's little camp and flew headlong into the demon lord's chest. "Sesshoumaru!" She gasped as she panted trying to get as much oxygen into her burning lungs as possible.

The demon lord looked down at the girl clinging to him in order to keep her legs from giving out from under her and narrowed his eyes at her. "Girl" He stated coldly.

Kagome looked up at him with wide eyes full of panic. "Sesshoumaru… Inuyasha… something's… wrong…" She panted out. "I… need… need…" She coughed. "Your… help."

"The whelp is not this Sesshoumaru's problem." He responded as he tried to peel the girl from his person.

She tightened her grip upon the sleeves of his haori near his biceps. "If you don't do something now it will be your problem along with anyone else's who crosses his path. I only barely escaped." Her face scrunched up as the memory of seeing her friends fate's crossed her mind.

His gold eyes stared hard at her. "What has he done." He stated with an edge to his deep voice.

Kagome looked around making sure that the being they were speaking about was no where near then got up on her toes and whispered into the pointed ear of the great youkai.

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened slightly at what she had whispered to him and his thoughts of his sibling being the most useless and utterly uncouth being to ever exist were reinforced ten fold. In his long life he had seen things that he found rather disgusting, but the telling of Inuyasha's behavior actually turned his stomach slightly and to a very small extent he felt sorry for the girl's group of friends.

He looked down into the pleading blue eyes of the miko and understood her plight. He wouldn't want that to happen to him and would kill any being who dared to do so. "I will assist." He stated plainly and got a giant grin of appreciation out of the girl.

"Oh thank you Sesshoumaru-sama." Kagome cried happily as she threw her arms around his neck, hugging him fiercely.

Sesshoumaru pulled the girl from his person. "You will cease touching this Sesshoumaru in such a manner." He growled.

Kagome rolled her eyes at him. "I have touched you in more inappropriate ways than this." She pointed out with a glare.

He returned the glare. "You will not speak of that digression again." He had spent many days trying to forget their little tryst during his heat cycle and found that he couldn't. To his displeasure he found that he more than enjoyed the feel of her body writhing against his as she cried out his name in pleasure and very much wanted to do it again. However, he used his superior will and suppressed the desire and continued to do so day after day after day.

Kagome snorted at him. "Yea I'll not speak of it the same way you have forgotten about it."

A warning growl rumbled through his chest as he glared at the little female. "You will bite your tongue wench."

An eyebrow arched at his threat. "How about you bite it instead." She smirked as she leaned into him; sensually licking her lips and drawing his eyes down to them.

Just as Sesshoumaru was about to show her what he meant; by actually biting her tongue off, a loud scream of sheer horror assaulted his ears.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome gasped as she wondered who the hanyou's latest victim was. She looked up at the demon lord. "You have to do something before we all suffer the same fate as whoever that was that just screamed."

Sesshoumaru agreed with the miko. If what she said he was doing was what he was actually doing; then no living being was safe. "Come girl." He ordered as he began walking in the direction he scented his idiot sibling.

Kagome followed behind Sesshoumaru watching his behind and trying to fight off the urge to reach out and grab his perfectly sculpted hard ass. It was a futile fight at best and she really wasn't fighting off the urge anyway. Sure it had been a little over a year since they '_relieved'_ his heat and she hadn't touched him since; but she felt that because she had touched him in every way possible she was well within her rights to touch him however she wanted; and by damn she was going to do just that.

The demon lord of the west spun around casting a deadly glare upon the girl.

"What?!" Kagome questioned innocently; although she was hardly innocent.

"If you wish to keep your head attached to your body you will refrain from touching this Sesshoumaru in such a manner again."

Kagome sighed. "Fine; but if you weren't such a hotty of a demon I would be a little more inclined to keep my hands to myself."

"You will suppress your urges." He growled.

She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Yea, I'll suppress them." She conceded sarcastically. "Only when you're looking." She mumbled under her breath knowing full well he could hear her.

Before Sesshoumaru could respond a hanyou clad in red charged through the trees towards them; growling menacingly. "MINE!"

"Oh Kami!" Kagome panicked as she tried to stealthily hide behind the demon lord. "Kill him Sesshou." She pleaded. "Before he does it."

Sesshoumaru eyed his sibling with thorough disgust. "Half-breed" He growled while trying to avoid having the image of the hanyou's state burned into his mind for eternity.

Inuyasha glanced briefly at his brother before his eyes quickly landed on the being hiding behind him. "Mine" He growled again as he began walking towards the frightened girl.

Sesshoumaru caught the hanyou by the neck and brought him up to eye level. "Half-breed you will cease this behavior." He ordered and to emphasize his point he gave the hanyou a good shake before throwing him to the ground.

Inuyasha shook his head as he looked up at his brother from his position on his hands and knees. As he stared at his brother a thought passed through his mind. _Sesshoumaru is MY brother. My brother… My… brother. MY BROTHER!'_ He stared at the elder Taishou. "Mine" He growled as he jumped to his feet.

Sesshoumaru stared at the hanyou and although his appearance didn't show it; on the inside he was beyond shock. _'He wouldn't…. He would die first.'_ He growled to himself as his eyes narrowed to tiny little slits.

Inuyasha rose to his feet and stalked towards his brother with every intention of marking his brother as his forever.

Kagome _'eeped'_ and bolted away from the two siblings.** "SESSHOUMARU! RUN BEFORE HE GETS YOU TOO!"** She cried in panic. If Inuyasha got Sesshoumaru she would never again feel compelled to touch the demon lord. Which would be a shame; a damn damn shame!

Run? He would never do such a thing… although with what Inuyasha had in mind of doing to him, he just might consider it. "Half-breed." He growled threateningly.

Inuyasha paid no mind to the threat before him as he stood in front of his brother. His mind kept screaming at him that everything around him was his and he had to do what he was doing so that all would know that it belonged to him.

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened a fraction as his simpleton of a sibling stepped up to him; so close that their bodies were almost touching, and readied himself to mark him. However before Sesshoumaru could do anything to stop the hanyou, the girl's high pitched screech made his ears ring as the hanyou was plowed three feet into the hard ground.

Sesshoumaru looked over to where the girl was; peaking around a tree with wide fearful eyes. "Miko" He growled.

"What?!" She questioned; clearly expecting his gratitude. "I was only trying to save your from a fate worse than death."

"This Sesshoumaru did not need your assistance." He growled in agitation.

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Yea I could tell; based on how you were doing absolutely nothing to stop him!" She bit back. "Besides had he actually got you…" She trailed off as images of Sesshoumaru being marked crossed her mind; forcing her to give off a full body shudder of disgust. "I just don't think I would ever be able to respect you again."

Sesshoumaru couldn't believe she actually thought that he was going to do nothing to stop the hanyou from marking him. He would deal with her; once he dealt sufficiently with his idiot of a younger half-brother. Sesshoumaru looked down at his grounded sibling. "Hanyou" He started.

Kagome watched from behind the tree and suddenly found herself gagging and fighting to keep her breakfast in her stomach where it belonged. She couldn't believe that Sesshoumaru had just did that and moreover that she had just stood there doing nothing to stop him. **"EEWWWW!"** She cried out; knowing that this day would forever be burned into her retinas and at some point in her immediate future she would be telling a therapist about this day.

Sesshoumaru turned towards the girl and narrowed his eyes at her. "Now wench you will come." He growled leaving no room for her disobedience. As she very hesitantly made her way to his side; he looked down at his simpleton of a half-brother. "Hanyou you are a disgrace and now belong to this Sesshoumaru."

Inuyasha lay in his hanyou shaped crater grumbling and cursing his elder brother to hell and back several times. All that work of marking all that belonged to him was for naught; for now it all belonged to Sesshoumaru.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome whispered as she kept her distance from the now dirty, only half clothed, and now disgustingly wet hanyou. "Perhaps you should go take a bath." She suggested nervously, praying that she wasn't slated for the same fate as Inuyasha and her companions she left back at camp. A large clawed hand on her shoulder tore her attention from her pitifully displayed friend. Looking up into the golden eyes of the demon lord she chuckled nervously. "Guess it's over… huh."

His gold eyes narrowed even further. "Hardly" He stated smoothly as he began to drag her away.


	4. All Dogs Need Baths Sometimes

Alright all here is the fourth installment of my _'Make Inu look like the jackass he is' _series. Hope you like as it was really hard to write this while laughing my ass off. And no worries I am working on Mine Part II but it is slow in coming so eventually you will get the second part to that. Thanks for reading. Much love for you all. NUM

XX

Kagome gripped Inuyasha's shoulders tightly as he touched the ground and launched them back into the air. Granted traveling on Inuyasha's back got them to where they were going a lot quicker but it wasn't exactly what she would call a comfortable or safe for that matter ride.

As they were descending towards the earth; Kagome scrunched her nose in disgust. The most unpleasant and foul odor she had ever had the misfortune of smelling; nearly made her eyes water. Were they near a bog or something? "Inuyasha do you smell that?" She questioned while desperately wanting to pinch her nose shut but couldn't as she had to hang on to the hanyou for fear of falling off his back.

Inuyasha took a deep sniff and a shrugged his shoulder. "I don't smell nothin."

Again that powerful stink invaded her senses as they were descending towards the ground. "Are you sure?" She questioned with a small gag. How could he not smell it when she clearly could?

"I told you wench; I don't smell nothin!" He growled and gave a jerk.

Kagome eeped and wrapped her arms around his neck to hold on tight; then just as quickly jerked back. "Oh Kami Inuyasha! It's you!" This time she did let go with one hand and pinched her nose shut. "Inuyasha put me down right now." She ordered in a high squeaky nasaly voice.

"Forget that!" He ordered. "We're almost there."

"Inuyasha I mean it. Stop now or face the consequences when we do stop!" She bit out but due to the sound of her voice her deadly threat didn't hold the edge it was supposed to.

Inuyasha pinched his claws into the backs of her thighs sharply causing the girl on his back to cry out before he landed on the ground.

Kagome scrambled to get as far away from him as possible. "Ouswari!" She screamed at the hanyou just as Kirara landed with the rest of the inutachi.

"Oi bitch! What the hell was that for?!" Inuyasha growled from his hanyou hole in the ground.

Deep blues narrowed on the hanyou. "That was for hurting me! Ouswari! That is for calling me a bitch!" She yelled. "Ouswari! And that one is because you stink!"

"Kagome what is going on?" Sango asked her irate friend.

Said girl spun to face her friends and scrunched up her face. "Go see if you can get three feet in front of him without wanting to toss up your lunch."

Sango and Miroku looked at each other before both shrugged and made their way over to a slowly recovering, muttering obscenities, hanyou. Shippou bolted from Miroku's shoulder making gagging noises before they were even half way to their little leader. The two exchanged curious glances but continued on their way until they both stopped dead in their tracks at a rage of three feet. "Oh Kami!" Sango groaned and hastily moved back to stand next to her friend with Miroku right behind her.

"Inuyasha when was the last time you took a bath?" Miroku questioned as the hanyou rose to his feet.

The stinky hanyou began stomping towards them so that he could give the bitch who sat him a piece of his mind; but with every step he took towards them they stepped away.

"Stay away Inuyasha!" Kagome ordered with a pointed finger in his direction.

He halted in his tracks and stared at his friends; wondering just what the hell was going on. Even Kirara was growling and hissing at him. "What the fuck?!" He demanded as they continued to back away from him.

"You stink Inuyasha." Shippou stated from Sango's shoulder. "You need a bath."

"Keh!" He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I just took a bath last month."

"Last month?!" Kagome and Sango cried out in unison. "Gawd Inuyasha that's disgusting!" Kagome said with a wrinkled nose.

The hanyou looked at his friends and really didn't see what the problem was. Just because he didn't bathe everyday like Kagome did didn't mean he was an unclean being. He just didn't like taking baths was all. "What's so damn disgusting about that?!" He demanded.

"Well Inuyasha…" Miroku sighed then coughed when the hanyou's stink entered his nose. "You seem to be producing a foul odor." He tried to sound calmly intelligent but it was very difficult as his nose was offended and his eyes were watering. His hand gripped tightly onto his staff to keep from falling over when a small breeze blew the hanyou's stench right into his face.

"Holy cow." Kagome groaned and with one hand pinching her nose shut and the other fanning in front of her face. The other three were doing their level best to find a spot where the horrendous stench wasn't killing what remained of their senses. "Go take a bath!" She ordered with a pointed finger in his direction.

Inuyasha looked at the girl like she was insane. "I don't stink!" He bit out and just to prove it, he raised his left arm, turned his head, and took a deep whiff of his armpit. He couldn't smell nothing and with his sense of smell if there was even the slightest chance he carried a funk he would know. "See! Nothin!"

"How can you not smell that Inuyasha?!" Sango called from somewhere down the road and in the forest. Apparently she, Shippou, and Kirara were close enough to see and hear what was going on; yet far enough away to keep from passing out cold from the hanyou's stink.

Gold eyes narrowed. "I don't stink!" He growled in annoyance. "This is just an excuse for you pathetic lazy humans to stop and rest!"

"Hardly!" Kagome growled back. "If we wanted a rest believe me we would be resting now matter what you have to say about it!"

Miroku couldn't take it any more. "Inuyasha…" He stated calmly with his nose turned up as he began walking away. It looked almost as if he was trying to breathe the fresh air that was lingering just above him but couldn't quite reach it. "Go take a bath and once you are finished we will depart." His eyes were watering heavily as he made his way towards the three hidden in the forest.

"I ain't taking no damn bath!" The hanyou bit out with a deep growl.

"You have no choice." Kagome stated in a high squeaky, nasaly voice. "Until you clean yourself…" She trailed off when a being clad in pristine white landed just behind Inuyasha. "Sesshoumaru-sama" Kagome said with a small bow of her head and with that same voice as she still had her fingers pinched over her nose.

Inuyasha spun around to face his bastard of a sibling. "Sesshoumaru" He growled low in his throat.

Kagome watched the demon lord and she could easily see his eyes widened a fraction and that his nostrils were flaring. "Sesshoumaru-sama" She squeaked at him. "I suggest you move to an area where your sense of smell isn't permanently damaged due to your baka of a brother's stench. There is no shame." She waved her hand down the road toward the four hovering just inside the tree line. "I will be joining my friends shortly and you are more than welcome to join us in waiting for Inuyasha to take a bath."

Sesshoumaru looked at the miko with her nose pinched tightly shut and small tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes. The hanyou smelt worse than death itself; decaying bodies didn't smell as bad as the hanyou did.

"I told you I ain't taking a fuckin bath!" Inuyasha bellowed as he spun to face his friend.

Kagome narrowed her eyes. "Fine! But you will be standing out here in the middle of the road by yourself." She leveled his with a death glare. "If you so much as take one step towards us; I will sit you into the deepest level of hell." She turned and began walking away. "Although with the way you stink they'd probably throw you out just as quickly." She looked over her shoulder at the demon lord. "Would you like to join us? If Rin is near by I'm sure she'd love to spend some time playing with Shippou."

The demon lord looked at the miko, gave a curt nod, and lifted into the air. He had to get away from the hanyou as the funk he was carrying was threatening to melt the nose right off his face.

Inuyasha growled deeply as everyone left him standing in the middle of the road. He gave himself a good once over sniffing his hair, his hands, and anywhere else he could get his nose to reach before he threw his head back. "I DON'T FUCKIN STINK!!" He bellowed up to the sky.

Sesshoumaru returned shortly with his young ward and his annoying retainer. As soon as Rin saw Kagome she bolted and threw herself into the young woman's arms. "Kagome-neechan!" She squealed as she wrapped her arms tightly around her neck.

"Hi Rin." Kagome said as she hugged the girl back. "Have you been a good girl for Sesshoumaru-sama?"

Rin nodded her head vigorously. "Hai; Rin has been very good!" She exclaimed.

"Well then…" Kagome smiled at the child. "Since you have been such a good girl you can go play tag with Shippou." She leaned in and whispered to the child. "He's hiding behind that big tree over there." She pointed to the tree Miroku was leaning against.

"Hey! No fair!" Shippou exclaimed.

"Go get him." She egged the little girl in her lap and laughed when Rin shot off after Shippou. She looked up at the demon lord smiled and gave a small nod then patted the ground next to her.

Sesshoumaru looked down at her and noted the mischievous grin on her lips. Taking a seat next to her he waited patiently for whatever it was she was up too. As of late she had been doing all kinds of naughty deeds and he found them to be rather entertaining as they included his idiot of a brother and his annoying, squawking toad of a retainer.

"You know Sesshoumaru; I was thinking." She smiled innocently up at him. "I think that since Inuyasha refuses to take a bath and no one can get close enough to force him without passing out cold…" She trailed off and smirked up at him.

Sesshoumaru's eyes glinted and a small smirk played on his lips as he knew where she was going with this. He gave her a curt nod, schooled his features back to his cold stoic mask, and turned to look at the toad that was running around trying to avoid being caught by two children. "Jaken" He stated and all three being halted what they were doing.

Said toad scrambled over to his lord and threw himself prostate on the ground in front of the demon. "Hai Sesshoumaru-sama." The toad groveled.

He fought to keep the smirk from his lips as he dished out his orders. "Jaken you will go collect the hanyou, take him to the springs, and cleanse him."

Jaken's head shot up and his big bobbly yellow eyes stared so wide at his lord that everyone was sure they were going to pop from his head. "But… but… my lord…" He bumbled out.

"Are you disobeying me." Sesshoumaru stated coldly.

"Iie my lord." Jaken groveled and bowed pathetically. "Right away." He hastily said and took off towards the hanyou that was sitting in the middle of the road grumbling to himself.

Kagome placed her hand over her mouth and chuckled.

Sesshoumaru leaned down next to her ear. "You are a naughty girl." He growled lightly.

Said girl blushed lightly. "Always." She smiled. "Let's go watch." She grinned at him with a glint in her deep blue eyes.

Sesshoumaru nodded and they both rose to their feet. Kagome looked at her friends and smiled hugely. "We're going to go watch Jaken try to force Inuyasha to take a bath. Are you in?"

Miroku shook his head. "No thank you Kagome-sama. I have already smelled him enough today and would rather not take the risk." A small cough passed his lips as the memory of the stink invaded his nasal cavity.

Kagome nodded. "Okay. Sango?" She looked over at the demon slayer who was smirking at the hoshi.

"No I'm going to stay and watch the children. But I really think Miroku should go with you since I'm sure you will need help when Inuyasha loses it and starts attacking everyone." She looked at Kagome and cut her eyes over to the hoshi; who was looking a sickly pale, then cut her eyes back to her friend.

Kagome placed her fist to her chin in thought. "Ya know Sango; I think your right." Kagome knew what her friend was up to. This was revenge for the excessive groping she had to endure since yesterday when Miroku happened upon Sango just after her bath and saw her naked.

Miroku stared wide eyed at the two females. "Please…" He started but was halted by the demon lord.

"Hoshi you will obey." He ordered in his cool tone that none dared to disobey; and the monk was no different as he rose to his feet and solemnly followed after the miko and the taiyoukai.

Miroku looked absolutely broken at what he was being forced to do and just as he was about out of ear reach of his beautiful slayer her voice sounded around him. "That'll teach you to keep your cursed hand to yourself." Her voice was full of humor and he suddenly felt very slighted; as the punishment in no way fitted the crime.

The three walked the short distance to the road where they could see Inuyasha sitting in the road and Jaken circling around him from a far distance trying desperately to figure out how to get close enough to the hanyou to force him to take a bath. Occasionally they could hear the toad's voice issuing orders; followed by a yelp as Inuyasha would fling a pebble at his head.

"Hoshi you will assist my retainer." Sesshoumaru ordered with a small growl to keep the monk from protesting.

Miroku looked up at the demon lord who was paying him no attention before he turned pleading eyes to his friend.

Kagome shrugged her shoulder and told the monk with her own eyes that no one ever disobeyed Sesshoumaru and he'd be better off just doing as he was told; lest he wished to suffer. She watched as he deflated completely then began walking towards the hanyou and toad. Then when he was just in range of Inuyasha's funk; he stopped, inhaled deeply, and continued to walk towards them. "So how long do you think he can hold his breath?"

Sesshoumaru snorted. "Not long." He smirked.

It wasn't long after he said that that the monk scrambled to get away from the hanyou in order to get a breath of fresh air with the toad right behind him.

Inuyasha just sat there still grumbling; not understanding why they were making such a big deal about him not bathing. He was convinced that he didn't stink and that his human companions just wanted to rest so that Kagome could 'bond' with Sesshoumaru. Of all the beings in the world for her to suddenly start flirting with it just had to be his ass hole of an elder brother; and that wasn't the worst part of it.

Ever since Sesshoumaru started paying attention to his miko friend the two of them have been plotting against everyone; especially him, to see what stupid thing they could make him do. Like licking rocks. He still can't figure out how they got him to do that one but they did and when he came to a rock that turned out to be covered in hot sauce; Kagome fell over laughing and even his icicle up the butt bastard of a brother had a small smile on his lips. It took him two days to get the burning on his tongue to stop only to have them put vinegar in his milk. He would have known it was there had his nose not been all stuffed up from the hot sauce. Oh how he wanted to kill them both and be done with it.

Kagome started laughing and fisted her hand into the sleeve of Sesshoumaru's haori. "Oh this is too good." She giggled as she watched Miroku and Jaken attempt to get within in range of the hanyou without gagging. "You don't think this will cause them permanent damage to their noses; do you?"

"Iie; they will survive." Sesshoumaru responded; although he wasn't too sure as Inuyasha's stink was beyond that of your normal stench. He smelled as if he had rolled around in something dead, jumped into a moat, smeared his own feces all over himself, and followed all that up with spending a week sleeping with the pigs.

She started laughing as she watched Miroku and Jaken once again run away from the hanyou, take a few deep breaths then put their heads together to try and figure out a way to get the hanyou to the springs. They both looked over at her and she knew exactly what they were thinking. "No!" She yelled. "You're on your own!" As deep smirk played on her lips as both looked like they were about to cry.

As they were standing there Miroku and Jaken came running up to them. "We have a plan." Miroku stated with a huge grin.

"Okay and?" Kagome questioned with wide eyes then watched as Jaken took off towards their camp hidden in the forest.

"You'll see. It's by far my best idea ever." Miroku smirked breathing deeply of the stench free air.

Kagome looked from the hoshi to the demon lord and shrugged her shoulder when Sesshoumaru gave her a glance.

It wasn't long until Jaken returned toting with him a blanket. Kagome looked at the blanket and sighed. That thing was going to have to be burned if they intended to use it to carry the hanyou to the springs.

"Alright are you ready Jaken?" Miroku asked with a weary glance towards his pouty friend.

"Hai" Jaken squawked and began a very slow pace towards the hanyou.

"This should be interesting." Kagome smirked.

Sesshoumaru looked down at her and nodded his agreement then watched the scene in front of him.

It wasn't long until Kagome started laughing at the events happening just down the road. Miroku was running in circles around Inuyasha like he was in the middle of a great battle with a deadly demon. He stuck his hand inside his robes, pulled out a couple of ofadas, chanted the words, and flung them at the still sitting in the middle of the road pouting hanyou.

"What the fuck?!" Inuyasha bellowed when one stuck to his chest and one on his back freezing him in place.

"Now Jaken!" Miroku yelled to his partner in crime.

The toad ran up to the inu on his short little toady legs, flung the blanket over the hanyou's head, and then retreated to Miroku's side just beyond the stink zone.

Kagome shook her head and looked up into the sky. "Oh that can't be good with it being this hot." She turned her head to the demon lord. "Can you imagine; now he's going to start sweating under that thing and eewww." She cringed her nose.

Sesshoumaru crinkled his nose slightly at the thought and wondered how the two geniuses were going to overcome that little obstacle.

**"MIROKU!"** Inuyasha bellowed from under the blanket. **"I'M GONNA KILL YOU; YOU BASTARD! NOW GET THIS THING OFF ME IT'S FUCKIN HOT!!"** Oh what did he ever do to deserve such abuse? He had to wonder as he began panting from the heat of the day and the blanket over his head.

"Holy crap!" Kagome started laughing and fell against Sesshoumaru at what was occurring in front of them.

Jaken was on his belly using his staff to inch his way towards the hanyou and when he was just in range he grabbed the blanket and gave it a jerk before he squawked like he was dying and bolted it back to Miroku's side.

Sesshoumaru couldn't stop the small smile from forming on his lips at the sight before him. There was Inuyasha sitting in the middle of the road cross legged, his left elbow on his knee with his hand supporting his chin, an ofada hanging on his chest, and now shrouded in a dark blue; attracting the heat of the day, blanket. He suddenly flared his nostrils as the hanyou's stench began wafting towards them. The girl was right; the heat and the blanket were only increasing his stink. He wrapped his arm around her waist and launched them both up into a tree away from the funk and still within viewing distance of the event occurring below them.

"Jaken-sama this isn't working out quite like I had planned." Miroku squeaked out with his fingers pinching his nose.

The toad looked up at the hoshi. "Oh hai hoshi-sama. But we must do something before Lord Sesshoumaru becomes angry." He said quickly before taking a deep breath and holding it in.

Miroku nodded down at the little toad and sent his mind to working on a plan.

Kagome was thankful that Sesshoumaru had such a tight hold upon her as laughing so hard made it impossible for her to maintain a grip upon him. The sight of Inuyasha shrouded in the blanket, frozen in his spot, and tongue hanging out of his mouth panting was just too much for her to take. "Oh Kami!" She laughed. "He isn't going…" She laughed again. "Going to die is he?"

"Iie" Sesshoumaru said with a smirk. "However; perhaps this will teach him to bathe regularly."

"We can only hope." Kagome chuckled.

Miroku and Jaken circled the hanyou trying desperately to figure out what to do now. "I got it!" Miroku exclaimed out of nowhere; causing Jaken to start, stumble, and fall to his face.

He looked up at the hoshi with wide leery eyes. "Iie!" He bellowed as he jumped to his little froggy legs. "Your last plan failed and made things worse." He jabbed his staff into the ground. "It's my turn."

He didn't wait for a response as he turned and stealthily made his way towards the hanyou in an attempt to sneak up on the stink. When he was in range he pointed the two heads towards the hanyou, jabbed it into the ground, causing the old man's head to open its mouth and spew fire at the hanyou.

**"HOLY SHIT!!"** Inuyasha screeched as he was set ablaze and powerless to stop it; he was stuck sitting there like a perfect little virgin. He was grateful for his fire rat robes as they stopped him from catching fire but that didn't make the heat burn any less.

Kagome almost fell out of the tree from laughing so hard; even Sesshoumaru let a small chuckle pass his lips as he gripped tighter around her waist.

Miroku started dry heaving as now Inuyasha's stink smelt like burnt… whatever the foul stench was; and it seemed that the fire only enhanced his funk more than the blanket did.

**"I SWEAR I'M GONNA KILL YOU BOTH!"** Inuyasha bellowed. He had black scorch marks all over his face and hands; along with the tips of his hair blackened.

What happened next; was the end all be all ultimate, make Kagome start crying from laughing so hard, burned forever in everyone's minds, disgusting thing that could ever happen to a being.

Inuyasha sat there grumbling to himself and imaging how he was going to murder a certain hoshi and toad when he suddenly felt something very warm and very wet trail down his lower back. "What the?!" He growled then a stray dog came around to face him, leaned in, and gave a big wet drag of its tongue up the center of his face. It then shook its head, turned tail, and took off running. That was it. "LET ME UP SO I CAN GO TAKE A BATH!" He bellowed; trying not to think about the warm wet substance that was rolling down his back and into his hakama.

Miroku chanted the words to release the ofadas before he and the toad ran like they were on fire; heading deep into the woods to avoid the hanyou's wrath.

Inuyasha slowly rose to his feet and ran like the wind to the hot springs in order to wash the dog piss from his body as it was rolling down the crack between his cheeks.

Kagome wrapped her arms around Sesshoumaru's waist, buried her head into his chest, and laughed like there was no tomorrow.

"So miko" Sesshoumaru stated when he felt she had calmed down enough to speak. "Who is next on your little list of revenge."

Kagome looked him dead in the eyes and smiled. "Well; ya know I just don't think I'm quite done with Inuyasha yet. He's just far too easy."

"Hai that he is; that he is." Sesshoumaru agreed before lifting them both out of the tree and heading back to camp so that Kagome could recount the hoshi's punishment to the slayer.


	5. Fetch Boy

This is just some random crap that has been running through my head. I may extend this in to a fuller chapter; but who knows. This chapter isn't nearly as funny as the others but it has potential so we will see. Hope ya like. Much love for you all. Keva

xx

Kagome put her fingers to her temples and began rubbing heavy pressure circles. Why was it always her that had to suffer such irritating issues with her hanyou companion? Really there were three others in the group; four if you counted Kiara, that he could annoy with his behavior, why was it always her that suffered the brunt of his ipersonality/i?

She gave off a very annoyed sigh before she cast her eyes up to the being standing next to her. "In a minute Inuyasha." She sighed out.

Inuyasha huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest. "You always say that but your iminutes/i…" He drawled in irritation. "always take twenty minutes."

Kagome narrowed her eyes upon the hanyou then turned back to her bag sitting on the shelf next to Kaede's herbs. "You will just have to wait then." She nearly snapped at him as she flipped her bag open and stared inside. She spotted an item that she knew for a fact she didn't put in there and reached into grab it at the same moment Inuyasha continued his little fit.

"You said that you would make me as much ramen as I could eat when you got back." He gave her a haughty stare down his nose; a stare he could have only acquired from his elder brother, and snorted. "Here you are and look at my hands." He held his hands out to her and turned them both over. "Do you see any ramen in my hands?"

Kagome turned to her hanyou friend and held up the object her brother had so kindly put in her bag with a quickly written sticky note that said: iFor Inuyasha/i. "Here Inuyasha how about this instead? Do you want it?"

Inuyasha eyed the purple rubber ball in her hand and shrugged his shoulder. "It's just a ball but if you want to give it to me I will take it."

Brown eyes stared at the hanyou with a facetious glint before she squeezed the ball in her hand and made a high pitched squeaking sound. When the hanyou's ears perked she had him. "Do you want it Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha stared at the ball. "I told you I would take it; didn't I?" He snapped.

"No really Inuyasha; do you want it?" She shook her hand around keeping him focused on the ball.

"Yes; I want it." He said with a nod of his head.

Kagome smiled evilly; a smile Naraku would be proud of, and pulled her arm back aiming for the door. "Okay Inuyasha go get it." The ball went flying and she watched as Inuyasha turned and walked off after it. She rolled her eyes then giggled at how easy it was to get rid of him and returned to her unpacking.

A short moment later Inuyasha returned with ball in hand and held it out to her. "Here"

Kagome looked down at the ball in his hand then locked stares with him. "What? I thought you said you wanted it."

"I did and now you can have it back." He stated like they were discussing the weather.

She reached out and took the ball from his hand. "Why did you say you wanted it when you don't?" She bit out.

"I didn't say I don't want it now did I!" Inuyasha snapped back as he stared at the purple ball in her hand.

"Then why did you bring it back and give it to me?!" She was so close to wrapping her hands around his thick neck and squeezing the life right out of him.

"Keh!" He grunted. "It's just a stupid ball!" He growled with a pointed claw at the object in question.

Was it her or was Inuyasha acting particularly stupid today? "Well do you want the ball or not?!"

"Of course I want the ball!" He bellowed into her face.

"Fine!" She hissed then threw it back outside.

Inuyasha turned and stormed out through the door, retrieved the ball, and brought it back. "Here" He bit out.

"I thought you said you wanted it! Why are you giving it back if you want it?!" She pointed a sharp finger at the stupid purple ball.

Inuyasha narrowed his deep golden eyes. "Why do you keep throwing it outside? What am I supposed to do; just leave it out there?!" He growled.

Oh how she was tempted to bang her head against the wall. "Fine Inuyasha if you don't want it; that is just fine!" She bit out, took the ball from him, and stuffed it back into her bag.

Inuyasha just stood there staring at her bag expectantly. "Well?!" He growled low in his throat when she closed her bag up and turned to face him.

"Well what?"

He huffed in extreme annoyance. "The ball!"

Kagome narrowed her eyes at the hanyou. "What about it?!"

He widened his eyes at her like she was the slowest person he had ever met. "I thought you were going to give it to me!"

"WHAT?!" She cried with hands on her hips. "I have tired to give you that stupid ball twice now and you keep giving it back!" She threw her hands up in annoyance. "Do you want it or not?!"

"I SAID I DID; NOW DIDN'T I!" He nearly screamed in her face.

Her eyes narrowed to deadly little slits. "Ouswari!" She watched as he hit the ground with a loud bang causing the hut to shake under the force. "You are such a jerk Inuyasha!" She flipped her bag open, plucked the ball out, and threw it at his head; hitting her target dead on. "Here is your stupid ball!" She screamed then stormed out of the hut.

Inuyasha pulled himself off the floor when the incantation wore off and picked up the ball. "Keh; stupid wench!" He growled then followed after his friend.

xx

Kagome stood by the pond trying to cool down from Inuyasha sudden bout of stupidity when he came up behind her.

"Here"

She spun around and came face to face with the purple ball. She cut her angry eyes up to his golden and narrowed them to deadly little slits. "What do you think you are doing?" She hissed between clenched teeth.

"I am giving you your stupid ball back!" He bit out with a jerk of his hand with the ball towards her.

"You. Said. You. Wanted. It." She bit out each word in a low deadly tone.

His own eyes narrowed to match her glare. "I did; now here."

She stared coldly at him for a few seconds before she snatched the ball out of his hand. "Alright Inuyasha you want the ball go get it." She hiss curtly, cocked her arm back, and sent it flying forward. When he turned to see where it went; she quickly stuck the ball under her shirt behind her back.

"I don't see it." He stated as he turned to stare at her.

She arched her brows as she stared at him. "Well I did throw it. See it went over there." She pointed in a random direction towards the forest. "Go find it."

Inuyasha shrugged his shoulder, turned, and went in search of the ball.

Kagome watched him go with narrowed eyes and when he was out of sight she pulled the ball from her shirt and scowled at it. "Stupid ball!" She hissed then threw it as hard as she could towards the forest; away from Inuyasha, and turned back to the pond.

As she was trying to clear her head and forget about Inuyasha and the ball she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning with tongue ready to fly thinking it was Inuyasha with the wretched ball; she came face to chest with a completely unexpected being. "Sesshoumaru?"

"Here miko; I believe this is yours." He held out the purple ball to her.

Kagome stared at the damn thing and scrunched her nose in disgust. "Keep it Sesshoumaru." She stated with a curt nod. "It has caused me nothing but problems."

Sesshoumaru stared at the thing in his hand for a moment then cut his eyes back over to the girl. "Iie miko." He grabbed her hand and forced her to take it. "This Sesshoumaru does not desire to keep the ball."

She narrowed her eyes as she stared up at him. "What part of i'I don't want it'/i are you not understanding?" She lifted her arm and without breaking eye contact with the demon lord chucked the curse-ed thing back into the forest.

Sesshoumaru watched it go then as elegant as ever and without a word went off after it.

Kagome watched him go and scowled. "Oh he had so better not bring that damn thing back to me." She hissed to herself. She was going to kill Souta for this when she went home next; the little twerp deserved it for making her life hell.


End file.
